Anything But A Natural
by Sunny's Priceless Dream
Summary: Her body wouldn't get her by anymore, she needed to be trained in the ring, but who would possibly agree to train Kelly Kelly?


**A/N- This has been a horrible week so far, and it's only half way over. I needed something to brighten my day, and viola, here it is. It had me smiling for a few minutes. **

**Warning: Not for Kelly Kelly fans. This is a little harsh....or a lot. **

**XX**

**Anything But A Natural**

"You have one month, Ms. Blank." The young blonde bombshell known by most as Kelly Kelly sat in Vince McMahon's office, twiddling her thumbs.

"One month to what?" She had no idea what he was talking about.

"One month to learn how to do basic wrestling moves. Not cheerleading moves, wrestling moves." Vince spoke slowly so she would understand, small chance, but he was trying.

"What if I just pleasure you instead?"

"That's worked in the past, but no more, it doesn't bring ratings up." Vince responded, trying to keep his mind off her body and how flexible she was.

"BUT VINCE..." Kelly began to whine.

"But nothing, one month. Ask around, someone will train you."

**~*~*~*~***

"Batting your eyelashes won't work with me." Randy shoved Kelly away, who was trying to rub her hands all over him.

"What if I offered you something in return?" Kelly suggested.

"I'm married."

"No one has to know."

"The answer is no Kelly, I'm not training you, I don't have that much time on my hands." Randy was trying to be nice, but this girl was making it increasingly hard to do that.

"If I said please, would you reconsider?" She ran her hand over his shoulder and down his chest until his hand grasped her wrist.

"Stop. Go ask Cody, he's a nice boy who would never say no." Randy encouraged, not sure if it was true or not. He just wanted rid of this annoying pest.

"Fine, be that way." Kelly didn't let Randy's negative response get her down, she just set off after the next poor soul she would come across.

**~*~*~*~*~**

"KANE! How long has it been since you've been with a woman?" Kelly casually fell into step with the big man as he walked down the hall.

"Last night." He answered shortly, having no urge to spend anytime with this ditz.

"Oh. Well, do you want to train me?" She asked as sweet as possible.

"No." Kane continued walking, not even bothering to tell her that outside of the ring, he liked to be called Glen.

"But I'll take you to places you've never been before." Kelly pressed against him slightly, but enough that he knew what she meant.

"You mean hell?" Kane asked.

"So do you want to train me?" He wasn't sure if she just ignored his comment, or didn't understand it, but he didn't question it.

"No."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?" Kelly tried again.

"Please?"

"I'm busy. You should ask Jericho." Kane suggested. He'd offer her money right now if it meant she'd leave him alone.

"Okay! Let me know if you change your mind."

"Don't count on it." She was already down the hall before she could hear what he said.

**~*~*~*~*~**

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA!" Chris stood in the doorway to his locker room looking at the assclown in front of him.

"What?"

"Did you just ask me to give up Jericho-appreciation-time to train you?" Chris asked, almost shocked.

"It would only be for an hour a day, two at most." Kelly tried to persuade.

"Sorry slu...Kelly, between six AM and ten AM I am fixing my hair, eleven AM till twelve I am eating. Between twelve and two I am thinking of good gay jokes. Three to five I am getting ready at the arena, six to eight I am searching myself on the internet, nine to eleven I am winning the hearts of millions, then I eat, and go to sleep. As you can see, I have no time to train a talentless monkey."

"But I want you to train me, not a monkey." Kelly corrected. Chris looked at her, trying to determine if she was joking or not. He decided; she wasn't.

"Right, well, I'm not training you."

"I'll make it worth your time." Kelly purred. Yes, purred.

"YOU KNOW HOW TO GIVE MANICURES? THAT'D SAVE ME SO MUCH MONEY." Chris became excited, ready to agree to this training.

"No. I meant with sex."

"No way. Gross. You're a sicko. You just took away my purity. Ew times ten plus eight. Leave me alone." Chris slammed the door in her face, still ranting off insults.

**~*~*~*~**

"Hey John." Kelly greeted the champ when he walked into the hotel bar.

"Hey."

"Do you want to train me?" Kelly got right to the basics.

"In what?"

"Wrestling."

"I've been meaning to find myself a trainer too, if you find one, let me know." John told her. He grabbed his beer and walked away, leaving Kelly baffled. She looked around the dim lighted place for more familiar faces, when she came across someone who couldn't say no to her.

"Hey Phil."

"What do you want?" Phil was in no mood for her now. He turned her down three times in the last month already.

"You to train me. Just a few basic moves."

"I'm straight edge." Phil told her.

"What's that have to do with training me?"

"That'd be like watching a man doped up on heroine trying to do the YMCA. I don't like being near anything like that." Phil told her honestly.

"I think I could be a natural if someone would train me." Kelly confided.

"You're anything but a natural at wrestling. I'm not training you."

"Are you sure?" Kelly asked, ready to beg and/or hit her knees.

"Positive."

"Okay then..." Discourage was beginning to set in.

**~*~*~*~**

_**One Month Later**_

"I'm sorry Vince. I asked everyone, and they all had other priorities." Kelly couldn't even think of a good lie to tell.

"Did you try the Smackdown guys?" Vince questioned.

"Yes, twice."

"What about ECW?"

"Yes, and they all just ignored me."

"I see."

"I even called TNA guys Vince, and even they wouldn't help me. What should I do?" She made the tears flow freely, knowing Vince would now take her side and let her keep her job. Tears were the key to getting what you want.

"Contact Ring Of Honor."


End file.
